My shortest relationship has the most negative impact on me. This relationship was just 7 months and wrecked me emotionally. I was in an emotionally tortured relationship. Brother Jacob met me on the 14th of May 2022 and told me God said “You are my wife”. I had not been in a relationship in a very long time and I needed companionship. I prayed, felt peace and decided to go into a relationship with him.
Jacob told me about how God had called him into full ministry and he was waiting for his appointment. Truth be told, I already liked him before I even said yes to him. The relationship started well and then the manipulations started. I would just rant about my job and he would tell me to resign. I thought it was a joke at first until he started pressing on it. I would talk about going for a PhD to be a lecturer but he would talk down on it and tell me “God has called you to be a teacher’. I called him one particular day ranting about my job but to my amazement and beyond my widest imagination he lashed out “Go and resign, stop disturbing me about your job”. I left home and went to meet him in the church to discuss with him. I told him about how resigning was not the solution.
If I resign, how will I pay my bills?
If I resign, how will I take care of my parents?
God will provide, he said.
Jacob held my hands and said “God wants you to resign and join me in full ministry”
But…. We are not yet married… But….. you are not yet a pastor.
Faith is all you need. Start acting like you want to be, Jacob said.
I told him to give me some time to think about it and he said “If you don’t resign now, then the relationship is over”
I had to tell him I was going to resign but needed to submit one month’s notice. He insisted on submitting my resignation letter the next day.
The next day, I submitted my resignation letter and went straight to church to meet him. We prayed for like two hours. I did not even hear anything. I knew what I was doing was wrong but I couldn’t do anything. My family members were not even in the know. I started following him for outreaches in public places but I was not so comfortable due to my shyness and coupled up with the trauma I experience from people touching me. I would go home after the evangelism and cry for a long time.
Jacob told me to go to school and withdraw from my PhD program which I did.
I would just wake up and go to church every day, we would go for evangelism, go to church and pray, and would go home around 6 pm. I would cry heavily after getting home.
I exhausted my savings and bills started piling up. I had a conversation with him and he advised me to take a teaching job in the school associated with the church.
It was a primary school and I was taking Primary. That job was stressful!!!! It was not my calling at all. I was always stressed and would still follow him during evangelism. I left a ₦250,000 job for a ₦46,000 job. From the small money I was earning in my new job, he started requesting for ₦1,000 today, ₦2,000 tomorrow.
I got the job for you, he said.
Yes, I am grateful but you know I also take care off my parents with this money.
I complained about not having enough and he stopped speaking to me.
Often when I offended him, he stopped speaking to me. I would beg, beg, and beg and still he wouldn’t speak to me!!!!
Jacob was not working. He was always in church and had no source of income. I would often go to older church members’ houses to eat. He would say “You are treating me this way because I don’t have money” “You are behaving this way because I don’t have a car”
I was frustrated, unhappy, angry, confused!!! I can say this was a terrible stage of life.
The relationship was an emotional torture. Jacob got angry at my jokes and everything I said. It was like I was walking on eggshells. I would read my chats again and again to be sure I was not typing anything that could offend him. I would apologize for everything I said. It was strenuous!!!
After six months, I spoke to him about the relationship and our finances.
Since you have not started full ministry yet, let me get a proper job to job to take care of myself and my family.
He told me God had called me to be a teacher.
I don’t even like to teach. I am frustrated at it. I want to do what I enjoy I do not struggle in a job every day. I am not even a good child except those related to me.
Jacob stopped speaking to me again for about two weeks. I would call and just got cold treatments. I decided to have a one-on-one conversation and he requested for a break to go back to God if I was the right person. Ahhh!!! I begged ooo, apologized, and said I would continue teaching. Our conversation was still stringent. I was in emotional, and financial torture. My heart was literally in my mouth and sometimes, it was on the floor.
After 3 weeks, he officially broke things off and I was a mess.
I first resigned because I was tired of doing a job I was terrible at. The teaching job drained me and I was so sad. I had resigned from a job I worked for this man. I had also withdrawn my PhD for this relationship. I went to the University to continue my PhD program but I was told I withdrew already. The department was also not willing because they said “We do not want someone who starts research and stops again”.
I went home and fell into depression. My parent and siblings tried to cheer me up but it was not working. They were always around me. In just a few minutes, their eyes were off me, and I overdosed on painkillers.
I became lethargic about all the things in life. I was seeing him in church on Sundays and stopped going to church. I found myself surrounded by the hospital bed after being out for three days. I have failed myself and my family
My mum took me to Ibadan with to live my aunt. My family insisted on a change of environment. I was in Ibadan when my cousin gave me a number. She said “Call 080011002200, and speak to a therapist for free”
I called that number and I was on the phone with a clinical psychologist for 2 hours. I felt better than that. The next day, I went to the University of Ibadan to pick up a PhD form. I also started an internship at a research institute to distract myself.
A few months after the internship, I was employed as a full staff. I also started my PhD at the University of Ibadan. I was having my therapy sessions virtually and healing gradually.
Four months later, I was in a way better state emotionally. I was going through social media when I saw a picture where Brother Jacob was proposing to a church member. My palms and feet started sweating profusely. My life was practically gone because of this brother. I was back to ground zero. I thought I had gotten over it. I immediately called the Arogi Foundation for therapy.
I had about 13 therapy sessions with Arogi Foundation and every session was free. Since they were virtual, I just called 080011002200, the number is also a toll-free line.
I am way better, I am healed. 2022 was a hell of a journey.
Contact AROGI TRAUMA CARE FOUNDATION for FREE THERAPY
8B, Ondo Close, Off Bamishile Street, Off Allen Avenue.