How To Open Up About Life’s Tough Moments- Pt 1
Introduction
Opening up about tough issues whether mental health, grief, personal failures, heart breaks, relationship challenges can feel overwhelming, but it is a vital step towards healing, clarity and connection. If you don’t open up about your tough issues it will still be locked up in your head and you will not know what to do about it but opening up is actually a vital step towards healing, clarity and connection.
Why It Is So Hard for People to Open Up.
If you have ever felt hesitated to share something deeply personal, you are not alone. There are so many reasons behind this reluctance. The question is why is it too difficult for people to open up to therapists about life’s tough moment or about what they are going through in their personal lives and challenges?
1. Acknowledging Common Fears
We find out that some people find it hard acknowledging their common fears. For many of us, the fear of judgement actually holds them back. The question of “What if people think less of me, what will they think about me if I tell them about what I’m going through, or worse, what if they don’t care? This is one of the reasons why people actually hold back in opening up to someone.
2. Shame
We worry about sharing our struggles will make us weak or incapable or some people may think that they are just too ashamed, some people probably because of the stigma are ashamed and society especially in this part of the world has given us the narrative to man up, brace up rather than opening up.
3. Past Experience
Sometimes, past experiences also play a role. If you have ever opened up and you were being dismissed or hurt, it is natural to be cautious next time. Sometimes past experiences of people actually hold them back from opening up during their challenging moments, this makes it hard for them to open up again when probably in previous times they have being dismissed and were unable to validate their feelings or emotions during the times they opened up.
4. When Vulnerability is Seen as a Weakness
Vulnerability is seen as a weakness in some cultures, even in African cultures especially for men where they are told to bottle up their emotions, to stay strong even when they are struggling.
5. Lack of Trust
Sometimes people come under the pretense of wanting to help the person out of a challenge or offer a solution and at the end of the day all they actually want is listen to your problems and use it against you either to tell other people in conversations or use it to hurt you when you have a quarrel or problem with them. This is another reason why people are scared to talk about their issues. Basically, it is hard to find the right person to confide in based on the way things happen in today’s dates and times. People tend to use your secrets or what you have discussed with them to hurt you later on. Some may not handle the information very well. Therefore, not everyone is the right person to confide in. Finding the right person to open up to is very crucial for meaningful support. Based on this people will rather just keep to themselves, may be indulge in substances such as alcohol or drugs in a bid to forget about their problems at the moment but the truth is that that these coping mechanisms never really work.
How To Identify Safe Spaces to Open Up
Some people actually do not mean harm just that it will not be everyone you open up to that would find any solution for you, so what is the point in opening up. How to find the right spaces to open up is very crucial. There are certain qualities, traits or characteristics you look for in a person to consider before opening up because it is not everybody that deems the right person to confide in. Look out for the following:
• People who listen without Interrupting or offering unsolicited advice.
• Empathy; does the person listen without being judgmental?
• People who can validate your emotions such as your spouse, if your spouse doesn’t deem fit you could consider a therapist.
• Consider the track record of the person. Has the person been able to respect boundaries and win your trust in the past?
• Integrity; try their integrity by sharing small and practical things with them to gage their reaction from time to time before diving into deeper and bigger issues.
• Seek Professional support as there are some cases you can’t open to just anybody especially when dealing with difficult emotions.
• If talking to someone directly feels too overwhelming probably you can consider joining a support group or writing in a journal. Journals actually helps process your difficult emotions. The journal spaces can help process through your thoughts before sharing them with people.
• Pay attention to the person, observe him and see the reactions you get as it is not ideal to expose all your personal life issues to people you haven’t known for long.
• Confide with someone who is an expert like clinical psychologists aside family and friend. This is important because professionals are bound by ethics and the rule of confidentiality.
In our next article as we conclude this subject, as we would dive into the 7 practical steps towards opening up to a person or therapist.
To be contd….
Author: Itunuoluwa Onifade, Clinical Psychologist, Arogi Trauma Care Foundation
Arogi Foundation
Arogi Trauma Care Foundation (ATCF) is like the silver lining in a dark cloud, making free counselling and therapy accessible to traumatised individuals, bringing healing to those who are hurting and helping people lift up burdens of pain, Read More>>
