The Impact of Trauma on Communication in Relationships
When it comes to relationships across all levels and tiers, communication remains the backbone. Communication is how we express our needs, share our emotions, and connect with others. However, when trauma enters the picture, communication can become strained, distorted, or even completely shut down. Trauma has a profound impact on the way people interact with those around them, often in ways that are deeply subconscious. In essence, this article centers around how trauma affect communication across different tiers of relationships such as friendships, family, workplace, and marriage.
With respect to friendship, the fear of vulnerability becomes a significant barrier. It is worth noting that friendships thrive on trust and openness. But for someone who has experienced trauma – whether from childhood neglect, betrayal, or abuse, being vulnerable with friends can feel like an impossible task. Instead of openly sharing thoughts and feelings, a trauma survivor might, withdraw emotionally to avoid potential hurt, overcompensate by always being the “listener” instead of expressing their own struggles, and struggle with trust, constantly fearing abandonment or betrayal. On the flip side, some individuals react in the opposite way, becoming overly dependent on their friends for acceptance, validation, and security. Their fear of losing friendships may cause them to become excessively agreeable, hesitant to set boundaries, or even overly apologetic.
In family relationships, complexities are often inherent, and the presence of trauma in such a dynamics underscores the significant impact that trauma could have on communication. In families, trauma often results in silence as a defense mechanism. Some individuals grow up in environments where emotions were dismissed or punished, leading them to suppress their thoughts rather than express them. Also, in some others, trauma motivates for conflict-driven communication wherein others may have learned that the only way to be heard is through anger or confrontation, creating patterns of hostility and misunderstanding. Lastly, trauma can potentiate inter-generativity such that unresolved trauma often gets passed down, with parents who never learned healthy communication inadvertently teaching their children the same dysfunctional patterns. This dynamic can create a cycle of miscommunication where misunderstandings and resentment build over time, making it difficult for family members to have meaningful and honest conversations.
Workplace relationships might seem professional and detached from personal trauma, but that’s rarely the case. Employees and leaders bring their emotional baggage into the office, sometimes without realizing it. Trauma may show up in workplace communication in the form of, fear of authority figures such that those who experienced past abuse or neglect may struggle to voice their concerns or ideas to supervisors. In addition, hypervigilance may be exhibited by trauma survivors such that they may overanalyze interactions, fearing criticism or rejection even when none is intended. Lastly in this regard, trauma survivors might avoid confrontation. This is because some people, due to past trauma, become overly passive, struggling to advocate for themselves in workplace conflicts. This can lead to unbalanced work relationships, burnout, or even job dissatisfaction because trauma-impacted employees may feel unheard or undervalued.
Trauma in marriage and romantic relationships encapsulate the struggle for emotional safety. Largely, the most intimate form of communication happens in romantic relationships. However, trauma can turn what should be a safe and loving space into a battlefield of miscommunication where trauma-related communication issues present as emotional shutdown wherein instead of discussing problems, one partner may retreat inward, fearing that expressing emotions will lead to rejection. It can also present as projection and defensiveness wherein a person with unresolved trauma may assume their partner’s words or actions have malicious intent, even when they don’t. And may also present as attachment insecurities wherein trauma survivors might develop anxious or avoidant attachment styles, leading to either excessive clinginess or emotional distance in the relationship. When unresolved, trauma-driven communication issues can create patterns of misinterpretation, hurt feelings, and ongoing tension in the relationship.
The good news however is that while trauma significantly impacts communication, it doesn’t have to define relationships forever. Healing is possible, and there are ways to rebuild trust and improve how we interact with others. These include:
- Self-awareness: We need to recognize how trauma has shaped communication patterns within the relationship. This is the first step toward change.
- Practicing active listening: This connotes making effort to truly hear and validate others, toward rebuilding trust and emotional safety.
- Setting and respecting boundaries is a significant steps towards achieving effective communication. This helps to set and communicate our limits and fosters healthier relationships.
- Developing patience – Healing from trauma takes time, and patience (both with yourself and others) is key in restoring communication.
- Therapy and professional support: More importantly, professional intervention engenders trauma-informed therapy which can among other things help individuals understand their triggers and develop healthier communication skills. In fact, this approach incorporate holistic model where related and underlining factors are looked into. A therapist is like a mirror or guide out of a trauma. In essence, a therapists will incorporate all the aforementioned points through different techniques such as Cognitive Behavior Therapy, Psychoeducation, Social Skill Training, Expressive therapy, just to mention a few. For instance, through psycho-education, a Clinical Psychologist will help the client navigating trauma to balance their “Current Mental Ability” with their “Perceived Mental Ability” for successful activation of “Post Traumatic Growth.”
Trauma doesn’t just leave emotional scars—it alters the way we interact with the world, often distorting communication in ways we might not even realize. Whether in friendships, families, workplaces, or marriages, unresolved trauma can be challenging. However, by acknowledging these patterns, seeking support, and actively working toward better communication, it’s possible to break free from the cycle and build stronger, healthier relationships. Healing from trauma is a journey, one step at a time, but every small step toward open and honest communication is a step toward deeper connection and understanding.
Adedeji Odusanya
Odusanya Adedeji A., is a Licensed & Certified Clinical Psychologist whose domain of expertise cuts across management of specific mental health issues such as, Depression, PTSD, Anxiety & Anxiety related disorders, Substance Use Disorder, etc
