The Stories We Tell Ourselves: Overcoming the Minds Illusions
“Man is not worried by real problems so much as by his imagined anxieties about real problems.” – Epictetus
Life is often less about what happens to us and more about how we respond to it. The mind has a peculiar way of magnifying challenges, turning temporary inconveniences into seemingly insurmountable problems. Epictetus, the Stoic philosopher, captured this truth centuries ago: our anxieties are rarely about the actual weight of our difficulties but about the stories we tell ourselves around them. This insight remains powerfully relevant today, in a world where stress, uncertainty, and pressure are daily companions.
When we pause and reflect, we often discover that the majority of our worries are anticipations of what might go wrong rather than realities we are currently facing. For instance, someone preparing for a job interview might be overwhelmed with thoughts of rejection, criticism, or inadequacy. Yet, the real event an hour-long conversation is not nearly as burdensome as the mental rehearsals of failure they carry in their minds for days or weeks beforehand. Psychology refers to this as catastrophic thinking: the tendency to expect the worst possible outcome. The irony is that this mental preparation rarely softens the blow of disappointment; instead, it robs us of peace even before anything happens.
To live more fully, we must learn to manage not just our problems but also our perceptions. Cognitive-behavioral therapy (CBT), one of the most effective psychological approaches today, rests on this principle. It teaches that while we cannot always control external events, we can control how we interpret them. Our thoughts shape our emotions, and our emotions guide our actions. A shift in perspective, therefore, can transform our experience of life. Imagine replacing “I will fail” with “This is a chance to learn” or “What if I embarrass myself?” with “What if I surprise myself?” The problem itself may not disappear, but its burden certainly lightens.
Another important point lies in the resilience of the human spirit. Research in positive psychology emphasizes the concept of post-traumatic growth, the ability not just to recover from hardship but to grow stronger because of it. This means that struggles are not always destructive; sometimes, they carve new strengths we would never have discovered otherwise. People who face rejection often learn persistence. Those who encounter loss may develop deeper empathy. The trials we fear most may, in time, become the very tools that shape us into stronger, wiser individuals.
Still, resilience is not automatic, it must be nurtured. One way to do this is by practicing mindfulness. When we stay anchored in the present, we strip anxiety of its favorite weapon: the imagined future. Deep breathing, mindful observation, or simply grounding ourselves in the reality of “now” allows us to step away from spirals of worry. We begin to notice that while tomorrow is uncertain, this moment is manageable. The small act of handling today often builds the strength to face tomorrow.
Another practice is gratitude. Psychological studies reveal that people who regularly reflect on what they are thankful for experience lower levels of stress and depression. Gratitude shifts attention from what is lacking to what is present. Even in hardship, there are often fragments of goodness, a supportive friend, a lesson learned, or even the strength to keep moving. Recognizing these does not erase pain, but it keeps us from drowning in it.
Importantly, motivation also comes from reframing failure itself. Society often treats mistakes as permanent verdicts, but in truth, they are feedback. Thomas Edison famously remarked, “I have not failed. I’ve just found 10,000 ways that won’t work.” That perspective is profoundly liberating. Instead of being paralyzed by fear of failure, we can approach life with curiosity. Each attempt becomes an experiment, each misstep a guidepost. In time, persistence fueled by this mindset often outlasts initial talent or luck.
So, how can we apply these insights practically? Begin by noticing the thoughts that trigger your anxieties. Ask yourself: Is this a fact, or is it a story I am telling myself? If it is the latter, try to rewrite the narrative. Replace “This will ruin everything” with “This is one challenge among many, and I will adapt.” Then, ground yourself in the present: focus on one actionable step you can take today rather than the entire mountain ahead. Celebrate progress, no matter how small. Lastly, cultivate patience with yourself. Growth is rarely linear; it is a process of steps forward and steps back.
Ultimately, Epictetus’ wisdom reminds us that while problems are inevitable, suffering over them is often optional. Our minds may spin webs of fear, but with awareness and practice, we can disentangle ourselves. The truth is that human beings are far more resilient than they give themselves credit for. The storms of life may bend us, but they need not break us. What matters most is not the problem itself but the courage to carry it differently.
In this light, motivation becomes less about escaping challenges and more about embracing them with a new mindset. Every obstacle is an invitation: to grow in strength, to discover untapped resilience, and to remind ourselves that fear loses its power when faced with courage. And so, as we move forward, let us remember that the weight of life does not lie in the load, but in how we choose to carry it.
Temitayo Olawunmi
Temitayo Olawunmi is a clinical psychologist in service to Arogi Trauma Care Foundation. She is solution-focused and result-driven. She has a strong passion for delivering exceptional customer service and ensuring clients satisfaction at every touchpoint.
