Healing After Birth: Finding Myself Again After Depression
It all started when I felt feverish and sick for a whole week. My husband advised me to go see the doctor and get myself properly treated. I was reluctant at first because I believed it was just malaria and that I would get better as soon as I completed my malaria treatment. I got to the hospital that Monday morning, and the doctor ran some tests. Lo and behold, I tested positive to the pregnancy test. Wow! I was very happy for us. We were going to be parents very soon. I quickly rushed home to give my darling husband the good news, he was just as happy as I had thought he would be.
From the first trimester to the last, everything was full of new experiences for both of us. There were a lot of changes in my diet, but my husband was ready to compromise with me. I really felt loved. Fast forward to the last trimester, my husband and I were so eager to have our baby boy. We had done a scan, and it confirmed that we were expecting a boy. We agreed on a name for our baby and also made lovely plans on how we would raise him together.
On a Saturday morning, after having my breakfast, I felt something like urine drip down from me. We had been told about amniotic fluid during antenatal care, so I thought, Oh! this must be my water breaking. I called my husband, and he rushed over to the house. He grabbed a few things, and we headed to the hospital. At the hospital, a vaginal examination was done along with other important assessments for both my baby and I. During this time, I was feeling sharp pain below my abdomen and in my back, and it kept increasing. After several hours of painful labor, I gave birth to my baby, though I had a very severe tear. Thankfully, it was properly sutured and cleaned. After a few days, I was discharged.
After the discharge came the worst experience of my life. I became so unhappy for no clear reason. I would get angry unnecessarily with my husband and mother-in-law. I even refused to feed my baby whenever he cried. I became a shadow of myself, I thought within myself that getting pregnant and giving birth was the worst decision I had ever made. My husband spoke with me on different occasions, trying to make things right between us. But I would always end things badly, and nothing ever got resolved. He became very angry too and thought I was just overreacting.
My mother came over to speak with me, but still, nothing changed. I stopped breastfeeding my baby, he now takes NAN.
One day, a friend of mine came to visit and check up on me. She saw how unkempt I looked in the room and called my husband’s attention to it. She advised him to let me speak with a professional, as it could be postpartum depression. He obliged and called for professional help. I went for some therapy sessions afterwards, and here I am today with my baby and I doing very well.
Depression is real, and postpartum depression is even more real. To every woman who just gave birth and is experiencing signs of depression don’t keep quiet. Seek help so you can be strong and sound for your family, and most importantly, for your baby.
N.B: storyline is fiction
