I wrote this letter to myself while recovering from depression
Dear Me,
I appreciate my journey to becoming who I am today. Knowing about Arogi Foundation was by chance; thanks to the social media algorithm that feeds me with what I have been looking for through searches and likes. I was looking for an affordable therapist and I got served with the ads about Arogi Foundation’s free therapy session, I guess I was lucky.
I was matched with this amazing therapist, Dr Ayodeji in the Foundation. She was very warm, calm, patient and kind in the way she handles my case. I wish her all the best things in this life and hereafter.
Before now, I had never had the experience of going for a therapy session. I felt a dire need for it after experiencing depression and anxiety symptoms which were triggered by the following:
- Repeatedly hearing abusive words (verbal abuse),
- Emotional manipulation and blackmail (emotional abuse)
- Going through divorce
- Feeling betrayed by my dad
- Loss of some properties and separation from my children.
It was such a painful experience for me to cope with, I could no longer get quality or proper sleep, I was struggling at work; I experienced Post Traumatic Symptoms, which included difficulty trusting other ladies, I made the resolve not to have another marital partner based on my unpleasant experiences with my ex-wife. All of these informed my decision to see a therapist.
After a couple of sessions, I was able to learn more about myself, my emotions and how to manage these feelings in a better way. I realized that I have been reacting, instead of responding to most of the conflict situations that I found myself in. I would suppress my true feelings or not respond at all because I assumed the other person would not understand me and things would probably escalate more than I could imagine. I did not know any better way to handle situations. I would switch to flight mode or avoidance mode at any confrontation that faced me.
I have come to realise that most of the ways that I used to deal with matters were picked up from parental upbringing and childhood experiences; watching my parents’ conflicts, dad abandoning the family for some years, and learning to become a quiet person to avoid trouble at home.
Now, I have learnt how to be mindful; to say positive things to myself through words of affirmation. I have learned that emotions are natural, I should not deny them, instead, I should allow them to happen naturally and acknowledge them, to help me respond to them in a healthy manner.
I realised that thoughts are the language of the mind; that feelings are the language of the body. When we focus our thoughts on negative experiences that we had in the past, the brain sets the feeling of the body to experience this past pain all over again. That means we are like punishing ourselves with an event that happened a long time ago.
With talk therapy, mindfulness/breathing exercise and psycho-education. I now deal with people, communicate and resolve matters in a better manner. Before the treatment, every conversation with my ex-wife always turned into arguments, accusations and insulative words. Now we can both discuss and be objective about our point of discussion mostly about our children, their welfare and educational needs. And sometimes to just talk about the past without curses and abusive words.
I have come to the realisation that, even if my partner chooses to relate with me in a negative manner, I should not reciprocate the same way, especially for my mental well-being. Because I am responsible for all of my actions and the same rule applies to my partner. That the way a person deals with the other person(s) reflects the kind of person they are. So I chose to remain someone with the beautiful soul that I have always been, and not allow an external factor to influence my beautiful nature negatively.
I am using this medium to appreciate myself:
- for being brave enough to put me through this journey of self-care, healing and self-development so that I can have a better and brighter life ahead;
- for my future partner to enjoy having a happy relationship/marriage with an emotionally stable, loving and kind partner that knows how to communicate without being insulative and abusive;
- for my children so that they don’t have to heal from the trauma of me being their parent; for they will be well raised and taken care of without going through traumatic experiences by the special grace of Almighty God.
- and for the people that I will have to be dealing with every day of my life till I die; most of you I will not have to talk to you, some of you would be tolerated, some of you would be filtered out through boundaries and to those ones that we cannot cut off, I will never let you get to my mental health before handling you.
- I forgive myself today for all the pain that I put myself through in the course of thinking being a good person means you have to sacrifice your happiness and tolerate every shitty behaviour on the earth. Now I know that I can still be a kind and a nice person without losing my mental health in the course of being good.
- I give God Almighty all the honour and all the praises for making someone come up with the initiative to create the (NGO) Arogi Foundation to help people. I thank you very much for your effort. May God Almighty respond to every need of yours when you require them.
God bless Arogi Foundation and Dr Ayo.
